they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
