I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
