you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
