i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize