Apparently you make a good broom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
