I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
