Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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