that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
