Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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