i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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