I molested 6 butterflies tonight
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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