i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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