Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
