you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
