Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just had sex on a roof
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
