When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
