what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
