we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
