Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
