my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
