who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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