maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
