I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need a beard to bite.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
