Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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