it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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