you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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