Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
