Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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