the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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