i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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