my phone needs a breathalizer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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