its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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