from now on my penis is your penis
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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