Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
