I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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