Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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