Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
