she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize