i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
