Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
