in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
