im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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