Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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