they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
