There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
