A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
