he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
