You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have tasted many bathrooms
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
