You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
