Your dad touched me again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
