i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
