all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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