Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
