DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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