I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
