Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
