We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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