Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
