Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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