got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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