Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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