Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
