i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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