even my farts smell like vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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