I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize