I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
