4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
