I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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