Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
