sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my poor anus
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
