I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
