see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
