I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I enjoy the company of your penis
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