It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
