I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
