She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
